"i know that you're waiting,
and i know that it is not for me."
Kathleen - Josh Ritter

There's more to this. as there usually is. games written for amusement - while in our heart of hearts, we would give it all up for something real, something true.

seeing old friends re-established in well worn grooves of your current life is amazingly comforting. it's walking into a room and feeling safe. smiles exchanged and relaxing into patterns of an old life in the midst of a party where you know no one but each other.

it's a beautiful thing. reminders of a different time. and the beauty of it all - is that you still are comforted. can still connect enough to laugh over a game of beer pong. memories relived, new plots exchanged - and to find that things are essentially still the same.

and to find that the things that have changed - are simply addendums - focus, readiness, issues resolved, confidence regained - and that they make what existed before more real. more honest.

we all find what we've been looking for. eventually.

i miss you.

what i would give to be curled up on your lap reading a book, my head on your shoulder, while you watch the ball game -

its the little things i miss.

the simplicity of us.

while you are off chasing your dreams - i am here chasing mine. and while we may not ever end up together again - lord how i miss being able to settle into you after days like this.

olive skinned boys with dark hair and easy smiles.

i just want to feel that way with someone else. to be able to know that they would be there when i got in. waiting with a space in their arms for me to curl into. and for it to be that simple.

i'm tired tonight. and feeling a little weak. here's to wishing i had asked you to stay.

it's alright - i'll be better in the morning - it's just been a long couple of weeks.