February 24, 2005

• "learn to swim" maynard

  
  when i was tucked under your chin while you were reading a journal article as i was wrapped around you barely breathing and your fingers idly playing with my hair - it was then that i knew
  

  that our illicit affair - with your dwindling but not yet nonexistent relationship - with my boy off to save the dying -
  

  that this was more than it was meant to be. we never kissed. we never had sex. it was merely holding and being held. it was merely the physical presence of a good friend in your bed on a sunday morning. it was more than it was meant to be. that our lovers did not know. that we ourselves refused to know.

  
  

  that it was indeed illicit. no longer innocent. that when i had called my darling angel boy with the bluest eyes and the darkest curls that bounced when i ran my fingers through them - i had called to say goodbye. that maybe he needed a world saver as well. a girl who would not just go to visit him - but would go to be with him. who would not seek solace in the arms of another.

  
  i knew you were off across the pond for the summer. that you would be walking and drinking and laughing with old friends. and quite possibly the lady that you had loved.
  

  but when you kissed me for the first time today. when you told me that you had told her it was over weeks ago without telling me. after my darling had phoned me to say that he thought we should be just friends for a bit, after i had cried into your new blue shirt and had whispered that i knew this was for the best but why did it hurt so?

  
  

  when you pulled me close and tilted my red eyes to meet your hazel ones, when you bent to touch your lips to mine

  
  

  god.

  
  

   i knew the world had ended then. ended and ended and ended.

  
  

  and all it took was a kiss.

  • 11:31 am
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